Social Media & Young Minds: A Few Things to Consider

This blog was originally written for and posted on Techronicler.

As you may have heard, the Australian government recently introduced a bill to ban children under the age of 16 from using social media. While government involvement is a completely different topic, and I can not speak to the specifics of the bill, I do think it’s important to discuss the potential impact that social media can have on young minds.

As a former Google employee and mom of two who has worked in the tech industry for almost two decades, I am very passionate about protecting our children in the digital age. I feel strongly that although there are exceptions, such as accounts run by parents for work purposes (an example would be a young professional athlete or public figure), most children should not have access to social media accounts (and in many cases, other apps as well without direct parental supervision or strict parental controls).

I also feel as though open parental communication and education is key here. The internet is vast, and children are curious - cultivating an environment in which the child can ask questions can be essential.

Social media is made up of complex algorithms that help determine what the user will be shown - and the algorithms are specifically designed to keep a user on the app as long as possible. The content that I see on my timeline may be very different than the content that you see, as timelines are made up of posts that the algorithm has deemed will be the the most likely to keep an individual user engaged and scrolling.

The more time that you spend on the app, the more money is made - so a "one size fits all" approach is simply not effective from a business standpoint. The documentary "The Social Dilemma" breaks it down pretty well, and gives examples of what the app does to essentially get a user addicted to it - from tweaking the content that you see to sending you notifications suggesting you come back and check out what's new. It also shows specific scenarios in the lives of young people. It is available to watch on Netflix.

Let's say a curious young person searches for something that most adults would deem inappropriate, and then scrolls through and reads about it. The algorithm now sees that the topic the user searched for was of interest, and will deliver more content of the sort. You may have noticed this on your own timelines.

Your child may be ingesting information that is not only dangerous, but completely false - being delivered from fake accounts with ulterior motives, people disguising themselves as someone else, and so much more. On top of a chemical change in the brain when it is being served content of interest, which I will touch on next, younger brains also have a harder time distinguishing fact from fiction, and many times a harder time being able to brush off negative or dangerous content or messages.

Seeing content that we're interested in prompts a physical change in our brain, activating the brain's reward center - keeping the user refreshing and/or scrolling to see what's new. Because of the dopamine spikes that social media usage can provide, many adults have a hard time putting their phones down sometimes (myself included). Now, consider the impact that this can have on a developing brain.

Not only can this cause shortened attention spans when asked to participate in important activities that cause less of a dopamine spike (including schoolwork, reading, family time and playing with toys), the targeted information provided to the user perpetuates the cycle of wanting more, more, more. This can lead to difficulty concentrating, increased anxiety, sleep issues and more.

There is also growing evidence that mental health issues in teenagers are on the rise, and could very well be correlated with social media use. This can be due to a plethora of reasons - from unrealistic beauty standards and filters on social media that teens are comparing themselves to, to the ongoing desire for validation through posts and likes - and cyberbullying can be extraordinarily dangerous for vulnerable teens, as well. Here's an article from Yale on the subject.

The main argument I've heard in favor of social media, understandably so, is that social media is a way to connect and socialize and not having access removes the child from a key part of socialization. While I completely agree that socializing is imperative, there are other ways for young adults to be digitally included without having social media accounts. These can range from having a non-smart phone for calls and texts to having a monitored phone with limited apps. Privacy and independence are important for teens - safety is even more important. All it takes is one post or message to cause significant damage to a child or teen's mental health, or worse.

Making sure your child is ready for the world you're opening them up to is essential. When deciding if your child is old enough and mature enough for social media, it’s important to consider if they truly understand things like the fact that a post, even if deleted, can potentially live on forever. And that just because a profile looks legitimate upon first glance, doesn’t mean that it is.

I saw a quote once that said something like, "when you want your child's childhood to end, give them a smartphone." So my question is this. If you do hold off on social media for your child, what's the worst that could happen?

Technology is ever changing, and the digital landscape just keeps growing and growing. It’s our job as parents to keep the communication flowing, and our eyes open to the vast world that our kids will eventually be exposed to.

When Time Is Flying: Three easy ways to document your Children’s childhood

At some point in time (or many points in time), every parent with young children hears something like “enjoy these moments, the time goes so fast!”

On one hand, it’s the absolute truth. When I brought my daughter home from the hospital, my newly four year old son seemed to have grown into a teenager overnight. On the other hand, it’s not necessarily a great thing for a sleep-deprived, overstimulated parent to hear - as much as we know that the time is flying, we also barely know what day it is and we may or may not have washed our hair or even peed in peace this week.

I’m not as consistent with the following ideas as I wish I were, because, well, because of the last sentence. As I write this, the laundry is piled high, my son is making our dog howl, and my husband is feeding my daughter her pureed lunch. But when my son was two and started talking, I wanted to remember some of his phrases and mispronunciations. Milestones. Whatever. I tried a few things to document these memories in the easiest way possible, and here are the two things I’ve committed to doing as much as possible.

First, I started keeping a notebook (just a standard small spiral notebook, nothing specific) in a place that I know I will physically see it. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I leave it and a pen by my bed, and when I look at it, it makes me think about what happened that day. I get the ones that I use on Amazon, and they’re cute and relatively inexpensive. One of the first things I wrote down were how he was pronouncing things:

Ollie, our dog, was pronounced “Ahh-ga.” My son would want our dog to follow him around, so we’d hear “Ahh-ga, come on!”

Watermelon was “waaga-mata.” Excavator was “Ha-ka-vee-ku.” Stephanie was “Fa-nahn-ie.” And so on. I never want to forget that little voice!

Later the same year, I wrote how much he was obsessed with the song “We Will Rock You.” And to say, “look how big I am!” He’d say, “look how huge am are!”

My writing is not pretty. It’s random things, scribbled at random times, barely legible. But they mean something to me, and I’ll remember these moments when I read them. My mom did something similar when my siblings and I were young, and turned it into an entire book of kids’ quotes - especially now, there are so many options down the line of how to best publish them when your kids are grown and you’re done writing!

Second - I have a dedicated note in my phone. If something happens that I want to remember, I can take notes here and then every once in a while, I copy over to the notebook. This option can be especially helpful if you’re more of a digital notes kind of person, especially since you can use it in tandem with phone reminders. I use Siri to remind me to take notes - for example, I have it set in my phone to remind me every year on their birthdays to write down my thoughts about the last year. I also have a reminder set to remind me every Sunday night at 9pm to jot things down about whatever the kids did that week. You can set it weekly, monthly, yearly, whatever works for you.

The third thing, which I’m sad that I didn’t think of sooner, was to start writing letters to each of them. I created a Pages document on my computer, one for Max and one for Zoe. The current plan is to give it to them on their 18th birthday, but TBD.

I started each of the letters with what age they are now, and what life is like. Made me tear up a little bit, I won’t lie to ya. Noted their personalities, things they do, what they like. Every year on their birthdays (I asked Siri to remind me to write every year on their birthdays), I’m going to look back at how much they’ve grown over the last year, and mention things that I’ve noticed. As they get older, I’ll tell them some stories of my own from when I was their age. And every year, I’m going to tell them how proud I am of them.

Just make sure to either print a copy every time you write something and put it in an envelope, or back it up somewhere. Just in case.

What I like about both of these are that there’s no pressure. I tried to do a more specific baby book, with guidelines and writing prompts, and then before I knew it I’d forgotten a few days/weeks/months and then I felt bad. This way, I write when I can or when I remember and then even if I don’t document everything, I still have some memories recorded that I may have otherwise forgotten. None of them are perfect, but they’re all a form of documentation that will remind me of things when inevitably the whirlwind settles down and these beautiful, chaotic days are a thing of the past.

These things are for me just as much as they are for them. It’s a win-win-win - I can look back on it, they can read it when they’re older, and it takes a little bit of the bittersweet sadness away when I think of how fast time is flying, and want time to stand still.

Baby & Toddler Sleep While On The Go

When I was pregnant, people always told me to “sleep while I could.” And then after I had my son came my personal favorite - “sleep when the baby sleeps!”

Totally doable, right? Who needs to do laundry, shower, go to work, or - gasp! - have 5 minutes to yourself?

I’ll be totally honest - the first 6 months of Max’s life left a lingering cloud on me for a while. The lack of sleep (and being far away from friends and family, therefore having little support) hit me hard - and took me a long time to rebound from. In part because of that, I got him on a relatively strict schedule, no matter where we are in the world - and helping him (and therefore myself) get the best possible sleep is super important to me.

I am, by no means, an expert. But here’s are a few things that have worked for me when it comes to helping ensure my son gets a good night sleep.

1) PORTABLE BLACKOUT CURTAINS + A SLUMBERPOD

In hotels, and when sharing a room, the Slumberpod has been an ABSOLUTE GAME CHANGER. It fits over most travel cribs and pack and plays. We put it in the corner, or even in a closet, and put a noise machine (see #3) in between us and him. The child won’t be distracted by trying to look around the room, the noise machine helps them feel even more like they have their own space, and the fact that it’s completely blacked out in there helps them get deeper, restful sleep.

Probably in-part because he’s slept in the dark for most of his life, my son won’t nap anywhere other than in a blacked out room - so on days where we’re on the go, I have to just accept that he won’t be napping in the carseat or on a plane. That being said, he usually sleeps really well at night now, and since he’s such an active kid, still takes a nap most afternoons if in bed in the dark.

Having him sleep in a blacked out room has also been able to have him on a “baseball schedule,” going to bed later and waking up later, because the morning light isn’t a factor. Furthermore, when traveling, it helps minimize jet lag. If he’s tired, he’s not (as) thrown off by the sun suddenly being up at 7am when according to his body, it’s only 4am.

When traveling, we use these portable curtains that stick on the window. Nothing to install, no walls to mess up. Just make sure those bad boys are truly blocking out all of the light.

2) A CONSISTENT BEDTIME ROUTINE

We didn’t do this at first, but when we started to implement it, we realized how important that it was. We start “wind down time” approximately an hour before bed. We take a bath, brush our teeth, read books, and then tell stories. I sing the same song every night, and then he gets hugs and smooches. Having this routine helps him know what’s coming.

3) A SOUND MACHINE

There are a ton of great options out there, and just about anything will work - but love the Hatch Baby Rest. I love it so much I have the Hatch Baby Rest+ in my own room, because the sound is great - and the Rest+ it has a clock on it.

I have Max’s on the dryer sound at about 40%. This not only helps him sleep well, but bringing it with me he has familiar sounds wherever we go. This not only helps create a better (and consistent) sleep environment, but also takes some of the stress off of the parents or caregivers, not worrying that every noise they make might wake up their child!

4) BRINGING THE SAME STUFFED ANIMAL OR OTHER LOVEY

Along with his sound machine, we bring his favorite stuffed animal everywhere we go. It’s big - as big as a pillow - but it gives him the comfort of the same sleeping conditions no matter where we are. Trying to make him feel as much at home as possible wherever we are is a priority for me, and it seems to help him.


TIPS FOR TRAVELING ACROSS TIME ZONES

As I mentioned, my son won’t really nap anywhere that’s not blackout dark. Our travel to Korea took approximately 20 hours, and despite all of my best attempts, he only slept for approximately 30 minutes (right before our descent into Seoul). This makes travel days more mentally exhausting, but using the above resources, I’ve found that it makes it easier for him to adjust to new time zones. By the time we got to our final destination, he was so tired that we were able to get him to bed, wake him up in the morning local time, and ease him into his new schedule.

More often, we’re traveling somewhere with a 2-3 hour time difference. Here’s my method:

I try to ensure that he will get a normal night sleep in the original city. If I have to, I will opt for a flight that requires him to wake up a little earlier than usual - but I try to avoid super early morning flights. I’d rather land super late and be tired the next day then have him be cranky at the airport and on the plane.

Because he doesn’t nap on-the-go, I plan on having to entertain him for the entirety of the flight. Knowing that before I go into the flight makes it slightly more manageable. Then - we power through! The first thing I do when I get to the destination is set up his crib with his stuffed animals, Slumberpod or blackout curtains, and noise machine. I help him wind down, go through bedtime routine (abbreviated if it’s super late), and get him into bed. The hardest part is waking him up the next morning (especially if I’m jet lagged myself), but it’s worth it to keep him on a schedule. If it’s a short trip, I try to keep him on the originating city’s time zone. If it’s a longer trip, we usually just start living our lives around the new time zone right away. We all might be tired for a day or two, but everyone ends up being happier and adjusted quicker.

What are your tips on baby and toddler sleep?

Taking a Toddler to a Baseball Game

My husband is a pitcher, and my son isn’t a fan of sitting down for…any period of time, really. I’ve had to get scrappy when it comes to lasting however many innings he’s pitching - and then some! Check out my tips for keeping a toddler going at a baseball game below.

1) BRING (OR PURCHASE) SNACKS

Does anyone snack more than a toddler? I bring things like lollipops, granola bars, pretzels or popcorn and dried or cut up fruit. If I need to, I’ll bribe him with some Dippin’ Dots - no shame.

2) BRING AGE APPROPRIATE TOYS

He loves his trucks, but when he was a little younger he couldn’t help himself and would throw them into the rows in front of us. I was mortified, but luckily we avoided him hitting anyone. This was a lesson in the necessity of age appropriate stuff. We’ve stopped throwing things (thank goodness), so cars and trucks are a favorite to bring again. Other ideas include poppers, action figures/dolls and coloring books.

3) BE PREPARED TO WALK

Around the 3rd or 4th inning, I start to get the side-eye from Max to see if I’m paying attention, and if I’ll notice if he inches his way to the aisle and takes off running. That’s about when I know that I’ll be doing laps around the park for at least a few innings. Before I had him, I would always stay close to my seat - but I have to say, wandering around every ballpark we go to is pretty cool!

Some parks have kid friendly areas like playgrounds or even bounce houses! Most have mascots, and Max has never met a mascot he doesn’t like. There’s always something fun to explore, and after a few innings and a few laps, he’s ready to sit down again.

4) EXPLAIN THE GAME!

This is an underrated way to have kids of a certain age sit still! Even if he might not fully understand, I’ll put Max on my lap and explain to him what’s happening. I’ll tell him the rules, why the batter is safe (or out), what happens during a pitching change, etc. We went to a game yesterday, and he correctly called out “foul ball!” after a pitch. Proud mom moment, for sure.

5) HAVE A BEER, AND ENJOY. BASEBALL IS FUN!

Chasing a toddler around can be exhausting, but some of our memories at the ballpark are ones that I’ll never forget. Shoot - some of my earliest memories are going to the ballpark as a kid! Any level, any time - baseball is special.

At a game at NBT Bank Stadium in Syracuse, NY

Shameless plug - if you’re looking for more kid friendly baseball fun, check out my book, Max & Ollie’s Guide to Baseball.



Air Travel With Younger Kids

Traveling with kids is a sport in itself. Chasing a toddler around an airport is a better workout than any amount of time spent in a gym - believe it.

My three year old son has been on over 30 planes in his life so far - he’s flown everywhere from Orlando, to NY, to Seoul, South Korea. Here are some things that I’ve learned.

PREP

I start packing a few days to a week beforehand, depending on the trip. I know that it might sound crazy, but it helps cut back on the stress of wondering what I’m forgetting, etc. I start laying out what I can, and then I make a list of things that I’ll need, but that I can’t pack beforehand - such as my son’s stuffed animals and sound machine.

I also start to get mentally prepared for the day. Traveling with younger kids might not be easy, but it can be manageable!

TIMING

Some children will sleep on planes, and therefore it works for some parents to fly early in the morning or later at night. My son won’t sleep on a plane or in a carseat unless he’s so tired he physically can’t keep his eyes open - so I try to fly in the middle of the day, after he’s had a good night sleep. He’s on a relatively set sleep schedule, and usually still naps - so during the travel day, we power through the no nap and then try and get him to bed at a reasonable time, either at his usual bedtime (if in the same time zone), or around the time we’d like him to adapt to if he’s in a new timezone. With all of the airport stimulation and the lack of a nap, he tends to get some sleep that night and after a day or two of waking him up at the desired time the next morning, we (knock on wood) haven’t had too much of an issue with jet jag. Check out my upcoming post on baby sleep for more on this!

STROLLERS

After gate checking a larger stroller a few times, I’ve found that it’s been helpful for me to have a stroller that folds up small enough to fit on a plane. No need to drop it off at the gate, or wait for it upon landing. There are many options, but we use the GB Pockit - they usually ask to tag it when we board, but I let them know that it folds up small enough to go under the seat or in the overhead compartment, even on the smallest planes.

If you’re going to gate check, every airline has different stroller policies, so make sure to Google them before you leave! American Airlines seems to be the most strict about weight limits of gate checked strollers. If you’re going to check a stroller, I recommend using a padded bag - or wrapping your stroller in in a blanket in a gate check bag.

As a side note - my son is now at the age where he wants to walk (run) on his own, and that can be stressful. I try to find safe places he can run before getting on the plane, like at an empty gate!

CARSEATS

When it comes to traveling with a carseat, the age of your child can help determine what’s best.

For babies and infants up to approximately one year old, the Doona was one of the best products ever. It goes from car or plane seat to stroller with the click of one button. We were so sad when Max grew out of his.

Now, we like to use the Cosco Scenera Next. Weighing only 6.8 lbs, I can easily carry the it through the airport if I don’t want to check it, alone or in a carseat bag - and it’s very easy to install in any car. It’s currently $50-$60 at Walmart depending on the color you’d like. It’s convertible and best for children over the age of 1.

Another option for kids (if they’re ready to be front facing) is the WayB Pico. This carseat folds down and fits in a suitcase, and it’s easier to bring along if you’re going to be taking taxis or Ubers. The install is also quick and easy. It’s significantly more expensive, but a great, compact option that fits in both airline seats and carseats.

TOYS & SNACKS

When it comes to toys and snacks, what is going to keep his attention is a crapshoot. I try to bring a few Matchbox Cars or other small inexpensive toys that he’s never seen before, and we’ve had some success with WikkiStix. If you want to buy yourself even more time, you can wrap them in wrapping paper for your kids() to open!

I also always bring lots of simple snacks like lollipops, crackers and dried fruit. Bento boxes can also be a great way to contain snacks, give your child options, and make it fun for them to choose. Most airports also have water bottle filling stations past security, so don’t forget your child’s water bottle!

Depending on your child’s age, and your comfort level, charge up your tablet and make sure there’s a few activities or shows available to you. We like Kiddopia, ABCMouse and toddler puzzles (where the child drags a shape into the appropriate slot). Most airlines will let you use your own device for free entertainment, as well - but you’ll need to have appropriate children’s headphones on hand. We use BuddyPhones, which are volume limiting for safety purposes, and come with stickers for your child to decorate them (and a carrying bag).

ZIPLOCKS!

I always bring a few Ziplock bags - they come in handy in unexpected ways. They’re great to hold half-eaten snacks, trash (like snotty tissues, etc) until it can be thrown away, or a stinky diaper if you don’t want to smell up the airline bathroom. On this note, it’s also helpful to bring changing table liners, as airports and airline bathrooms can be extra dirty.

What are your best tips for traveling with younger kids? Let me know in the comments!